The Blessing I have

Shouldn’t it now be the time the universe come with that perfect man I want now?

 Like I need him…no wait I want him to be tall chocolate brown, like those NBA players and with a walk of the overly confident Rappers.

Life is like this?

I have been waiting but while I was waiting I decided to embark the journey of finding what I want instead of being content of what the universe knew what I needed. He was perfect and nowhere near to what I pictured and lied to myself what I needed. His ability to love me for who I am, erased that silly rule that I made of “He will be perfect if he has big sexy muscles”.


His ability to live life to the fill no matter what inspired me to deal with my own issues and allowed me the chance to erase the pain that my past made me to disbelieve and lose hope in love. No matter how hard I fought my feelings and my inner voice of “he’s the one and he is a good man” he waited. Emotional intimacy is thee most beautiful gift that any man can give his woman. Being connected like that before sexual intimacy is just precious and amazing and he gave me that. For the first in my life I became speechless and shamelessly in love with what God blessed me with, my boyfriend and he’s heart. I prayed for him as much as I prayed for myself.


I have my family and God in my heart, the only space I got left is for the man that God has designed for me and only me and you know what? He is that man. My love story wasn’t one any movies could come near nor understand. It was simple and as beautiful as the love story between a man and a woman. My Bible scripture for him which is written across my heart is 1 Corinthians 13:13, “So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love”.


My heart inter locks within his and my soul transcends which connects so beautiful with the rhythm of how both of our hearts beats for each other. Our hearts don’t beat together, his sometimes beats first to lead and remind of how much of a great man he is and mine gives him that space and allows him to be that man what he wants to be and a man I truly love for myself. I am his woman and I am the one that will give him strength when he feels that he’s too weak to carry on.
Second guessing him would be like doubting that there is a God that loves me. When the time is right, our marriage will begin with our Father God and should he feel that we are not meant to be, I trust and hope we will go our separate ways with our hearts content.
I am in love and I am loved.

Zuma Painting, Disrespectful

The Painting of Jacob Zuma, South Africa’s President.

This is just disrespectful and the fact that people are using the excuse of freedom of expression is just disrespectful to our constitution. The man is a father, husband and a president, yes he has made mistakes and some are not those of a president but how many leaders has had affairs while they were married like, Bill Clinton to name a few and none of them has been disrespected and humiliated in this manner. That is defamation to the max and that is my opinion I don’t care who says what. We live in a society that is very quick to judge and see things at face value. Some South Africans use the phrase “respect is earned “too much also. I feel that we as South Africans don’t know what to really fight for because at the end of the day we have a lot more problems and troubles that the painter could have expressed that could draw up much attention but here we are arguing about a painting that is very disrespectful. Couldn’t we paint a picture of poverty, unemployment, HIV/AIDS? We need to focus our energy on real things and stop looking for excuses that can distract our attention on the real things that this country need to focus on and deal with.

22 Years old and still a Virgin

So I am 22 years old and I am still a virgin.
Yes you heard me, I’m 22 years old and still a virgin. While some might say it’s an achievement, I take it as a way of life.

Some ask me, ” but how did you do it?” You see I grow up having a lot of people around me, while children in suburbans watched documentaries to influence their lives, good or bad, my influence was my township or “Hood” for the hip hop lovers or wanna be american lingo type people.
I grew up in an area where drug lords and gangsters (of course accompanied by sex workers which society might say are hoes and bitches) lived a life of fast cars and money. Money that I thought will help my family from the financial problems we were experiencing, Until by God’s grace my parents were able to provide (my sisters and brothers and I) a better life but before that, seeing young girls fall pregnant at a young age was a norm to my eyes. Seeing my friends get pregnant and have their boyfriends abandon them because of that became a norm to my eyes, so I decided to set goals for myself that my friends were not able to and let that be my focus on that, rather than sex.


I took baby steps, I told myself “after matric, I will break my virginity” so I passed my matric and than I said “When I get to varsity” and I got to varsity and than I told myself, “when I get a job” and now I have it. I always set goals in my life that enable me to focus on things that will make me a better person and bring me a step closer to a better life. Of course I lost relationships and got played that broken record of “if you don’t sleep with me than you don’t love me” and yes it hurt when I heard those words coming out from that person who I thought they loved me as much as I loved them, but from strength I drew from my friends experiences I was able to show them the door and tell my ” so called” boyfriends back than, ” I guess I don’t love you that much and its over”. It never was easy but as I know look back it was all worth it. I am still waiting for that person not to break it to but to give it as a gift to him. The night were I will share to him, my inner and deeper self both physically and emotionally. Enjoying together that process were two hearts becoming one and embarking a journey of pleasure. Every touch will be a reminder of how much I love him and most importantly how much I respect him. Every touch I will enjoy and I will be in a space where I will allow him to enjoy me all he wants because it will be my gift to him to have. He will be my Adam and I will be his Eve as the way our beloved God intended it to be. Genesis!!!


Together we will write our own love story but all this will be done after we both stand forward in front of God with a priest in front us, exchanging vows that shall never be broken until the Lord, Our Father God decides our journey together as one must end but the story of our love shall continues in heaven.
Will I ever find him? Society will always tell you, “you will never find the right one” but I am here to tell society that “Sindiswa Nene will find the right one”
I am 22 years old and I am still a virgin. No it’s not an achievement, it is a way of life, my life.

I am a Survivor not a victim

I never thought I would be a price tag, walking around like a super model showing casing the latest tends but only focus is my sexual abilities with men I could easy mistaken to be my father without any biological and emotional connection. 

My feet and eyes along with my ever changing passport can bring out jealously towards any travel agent as I have been everywhere you can think of without even writing a cheque for it.  First Class? Please I give a whole new meaning to that. Like Jay Z, I was one to the next one before I could say I got a million ways to get it. My name is Zodwa for now and this is my story.

I remember this day as if it was yesterday. My friends and I went to town to window shop and pretend we had money to afford anything what we desired. A man who was dressed well in brands names I couldn’t even pronounce approached us and with a simple “Hello” we were all his attention. He told us stories about the big city life but I was only interested about Jozi the Gold City of South Africa. I wanted to know about it all, does it really have gold and are the houses and building made out of gold.  He told me that I can make my dreams come true only if I get myself there and I will make my parents proud of me.  The man told us that he is willing to help us in anyway free of charge and if we didn’t have family in the city, he will provide us with the accommodation expenses.  With the political state of Zimbabwe, alongside my family income nothing was holding me back from embarking a journey that will lead me to riches, so I thought but to my surprise!

 I packed my things and quietly got out of my house. I turned my back to take the last look at my house than continued to begin my journey. I met up with my friends at a nearby bus stop. He arrived and we got it but one of my friends Thandeka decided in the last minute to turn down the offer to go as she couldn’t picture leaving home without her parents’ blessings. I hugged and kissed her, “I promise I will come back, tell my parents that I had to do this for me and them.”

We arrived in Jozi and damn it  was big, I mean everything was huge and I now knew why they called it the “Big City” filled with life.  Suddenly the tone of the man changed as well his eys. He took us to this house crammed with other girls but they were in pretty bad shaped that made boxers themselves look sexy after a boxing match. They all had fear in their eyes, some even ashamed to even look as us.  One girl came close to me and said” so what did the white man tell you?”

I told her the story with excitement next thing I know he whole room packed with girls laughed at me as if I was a standup comedian.  ‘”You silly stupid girl, soon you will regret this but in a couple of months you will get used to it but at least he was creative with you, us on the other hand he was straight forward” the all said.  My skin began to crumble and my hair stood up and I silently asked her to tell her story but she replied by saying “there is no point to tell you my revision because at the end our conclusions are the same, with the same characters”

After those words I couldn’t sleep one wink and started to question why I am here.  Why these girls in these conditions and what did Pinky mean when she said I will regret but get over this experience. Morning came with the answers I was looking for that later was regretted for even been thought for. We were told to take off our clothes and I mean all off and walk up and down.those whom were still virgins were separated from those who have already been sexually active. Next we got new names, mine was Sara and told to get ready as I was leaving tomorrow, but where am I going because I am where I want to be, Johannesburg.

I and a couple of girls were taken to O.R Tambo International airport and were consciously remembered not to relieve our real names as trouble will occur if we did not obey the rules. We boarded the plane accompained of course by three men. The plane flew to Durban and that’s how I entered in to the world of human trafficking, the beginning of my nightmare. We were at work the minute we landed, got taken to dinner by high profile men some maybe you know but will not mention them as that will cause a battle I am not ready to fight.  The man I was assigned to seem nice, he took me back to his place and we had dinner. For the first few months I thought I was in heaven but suddenly the dinner stopped and the shopping. One night he came into my room and demanded sex. I said no, that answer was responded by a slap right across the face. He asked again but I still maintained my answer next thing I know he was on top of me and began what he wanted to do all along with me. There, my first was my first rape and there was more to come of course with other men. I hate myself everyday not because the men that I was sold to every now and then raped and treated me like a dg but I hated myself because I was so stubborn. Why did I believe the man that promised me a better life? Why didn’t I get off the car like Thandeka? I should have not agreed to this at all but I could have been or should have been were not going to help me or every night I started to dream on how I will escape.

It was Friday and that was the day where we made most money and it was going to be my lucky day. My customer of course came to pick up his product, if only he knew that it would be his last.  After dinner we went home to have sex, so he thought. While he was getting in the mood, I turned around and stabbed him in the chest over and over again. I kept on thinking about my first night, how I was raped and where men treated me even less of a human being. I am not sorry for what I did in fact I would do it again in a heartbeat. My name is Zodwa used to known as Sara, and I am a human trafficking and rape survivor. 

Whatever

I recently saw a tweet on twitter said some of the greater things in life are unseen that’s why you close your eyes when you kiss. Whatever dude! I mean like get real that is not true…well for me its not. Kissing the first time was great but as time went on it seemed as if I was counting the days until this activity would end. Yes of course I get the feeling of excitement and thinking that this is the night where I break my virginity but than reality spoils and rescues me. Well, we all have them (even us guys too). The problem here is when certain women allow their emotions to guideall of their actions and when things go south, they have to work harder to undo the damage. When emotions guide ALL your actions, there’s mostly always more to everything as far as you’re concerned. If he calls more often than he does on one particular day, it maybe means he’s done something wrong. If he asks too many questions about one of your friends, he probably has issues with her or some hidden agenda. The date was the 10th of December year 2010 time (no you don’t have to know all the details about that). He logged on Mxit and my heart jumped because truth to be told I never got over him and funny enough and scary at the same time I never will. He told me he wants another chance to try again in our relationship and suddenly instead of being happy I felt fear.

Fear of disappointment and love not from him though, from me. In the past I got so hurt and messed up in past relationship that by my own I developed an emotion of “I don’t care anymore”. To elaborate for

you this means that I dated guys but will end things within two months because I didn’t want things to go

any further. Secondly this emotion also made me feel ok and kind of great to cheat because at the end I wasn’t in this till the end in fact I wasn’t in it for the beginning. Brave I know but inside I was dying and yearning for true love. You see when you are single with no one there to comfort you romantically; you tend to see a lot of couples publicly displaying affection and love. I wanted to kill every single couple that I saw because they indirectly reminded me of what I am missing so dearly. I missed it yes but I was not even going to embark on that journey of love, not at all. I know people say true love has its ups and downs but when it hits you it’s hard to ignore it. WHATEVER!! I stopped being a fan of Cinderella stories long before I could say “wow that’s so sweet”. I am not going to wait or hope ad pray that my so called soul mate will come because love is not for everyone, least of all me.

Nothing will make you feel better and more in love than reuniting after a breakup, it really

does add spice and sparkle to a relationship so they.....

Chris Brown..F.A.M.E

No one can deny the fact Chris Brown is very talented besides his physical activities that we wont discuss about. Whether being praised for his brilliant live performances or scolded for his notorious actions, Brown has been the focus of media attention since his debut. However, the entertainer has managed to channel these pressures into a body of work that may very well be his best album to date. F.A.M.E is safely to say one of the best works in his career and puts me in a higher platform than he was.
Brown has not abandoned his Urban roots in favor of finding success on the Pop bandwagon. Instead, he provides a healthy mix of material that features several Hip-Hop and R&B tracks, most of which he co-wrote himself.
Indeed, most of the additions to this album actually weaken it instead of helping Brown’s cause, a point that also applies to his collaborators. Justin Bieber’s flat, emotionless and blatantly annoying attempts at singing almost ruin the drum-driven ‘Next To You’, which was brilliantly produced by The Messengers.
Once consumers manage to look pass the media propaganda, he could very well enjoy similar success to Usher’s Grammy Award-winning ‘Raymond vs Raymond’ LP. Fans may be his everything as the ‘F.A.M.E’ acronym suggests but a platinum plaque and Grammy gold would certainly be an enjoyable bonus.

Nigga vs Kaffir

America has really started a trend that everyone especially in South Africa love saying, and I mean it. Nigga, nigga and nigga is one of the most favorite lingo word among young South Africans and some will refer them to be coconuts but that's another topic for another day.
Anyway for years I have been hearing this word in rap music and American movies and they way they said it was I must admit was very cool and entertaining to say the most and of course it would make anyone want to act like that in public.  In high school was when it become “the word” to say to your friends and when South Africa hip-hop was on a rise the word was said left right and center.
I am now older and no I am not wiser but ke the interactive  of the word is becoming stronger and stronger especially in universities nigga.
The thing I do not understand is when black South Africans get offensive when they are called kaffir but they walk around proud with the heads held up high when they are called nigga. Eish! as Kurt William would say remixed my Sindiswa Nene, there  is nothing worse than a smart dump nigga.....ha.a ke do not  get me started  with a dump kaffir

nigga and kaffir is the  same thing do not get offended when I call you  kaffir instead of nigga
"nigga wats up"..."kaffir unjani wena " see yafana man thi